Pandemic Journal is Back and Boy We Are Pissed

Events this week have been too much to bear. So much so that in search of an outlet to broadcast my disgust I got Warren Buffet on the blower and prepared to add another zero to his net worth in order to retrieve Pandemic Journal from his terrible clutches.

He was way ahead of me. Turns out A1 Payday had taken a stock market nosedive after readers recoiled from reading Pandemic Journal’s take on living paycheck to paycheck. For the price of an Egg McMuffin, my baby was back where she always belonged.

Now, I’m coming at you like Samuel L. Jackson. Not the cuddly man who read “Go the Fuck to Sleep” to your kids. This is Samuel L. Jackson channeling Jules Winnfield from Pulp Fiction, paraphrasing the Bible and killing everyone in the damn room.

I’m talking to you, White America (hey, Black and Brown America, read on if you like because I don’t get to tell you what to do).

We’re halfway into the week and you need a wakeup call. Your inability to treat fellow human beings appropriately is off the charts, and I want to give you some guidance.

So, for you people who act like 9-1-1 is customer service, these are the things black and brown people get to do without you poking your nose in:

  1. Birding
  2. Exercising
  3. Walking dogs
  4. Having a barbecue
  5. Jogging
  6. Meeting with business associates
  7. Shopping
  8. Doing military cosplay with AR-15s and shit in the Michigan statehouse because if white people get to act stupid so can anyone else
  9. Every other goddamn thing that’s legal

Further, here is something that black and brown people should be able to do without being murdered: Commit misdemeanor crimes.

Oh, you think that committing a misdemeanor is license to take someone’s life? The next time you do a rolling stop at a traffic light, then you should be fine with someone stepping on your neck to subdue you.

Can’t breathe?

Pandemic Journal sends its thoughts and prayers.